Fighting after the baby comes is common and can highlight and intensify issues in even the strongest relationships. Having a baby can be a joyful experience, but it can also create conflict. Research shows that most relationships change after a baby arrives. A 2021 study from the University of Born found that relationship satisfaction tends to go up and down over time and usually decreases during the first 10 years of a relationship, whether or not the couple has children. More: How to avoid a power struggle in a relationship?
Real relationship doesn’t mean no fights. We fight, but after that, we forgive each other and start loving each other again.
Unknown
However, parents generally experience lower satisfaction than non-parents, and this dissatisfaction grows with more children. Mothers with infants are especially affected, with only 38% feeling very satisfied compared to 62% of women without children.
It’s no surprise that having a baby can strain a relationship. Key factors like communication, intimacy, and time together often suffer when a baby arrives. Added stresses, such as lack of sleep and financial worries, can make it even harder to avoid conflicts.
Despite these challenges, many new parents are surprised by the strain because it’s not commonly discussed. More: Don`t go against your integrity to reach your dreams
How can parenthood amplify relationship conflicts?
Becoming a parent can introduce new conflicts, but it’s not the only cause of relationship issues. Before having a baby, couples generally have more time to address problems like poor communication. Adding a child to the mix makes it harder to focus on these issues.
With a baby in the picture, old problems can become more noticeable. For example, if a couple’s sex life was already struggling before the baby, it’s unlikely to improve once the child arrives. More: How to stop repeating the same mistake and learn from it?
Additionally, fighting after the baby comes can turn behaviors that were just mildly annoying before into bigger issues. For instance, if one partner enjoys playing video games, this might not have caused any problems before. However, after the baby comes, the other partner might feel overwhelmed by having to handle most of the parenting alone while the other plays games.
Conflicts don’t only happen in relationships that are already struggling; they can also affect couples who think their relationship is strong. Even if a couple has a great relationship, they still need to talk and understand how parenthood can make certain issues worse. More: Explaining divorce to children: Tips for a healthy conversation
Effective tips for handling fighting after the baby comes
“Forget the idea of the perfect parent,” says Dr. Leah Ruppanner from the University of Melbourne. She advises mothers to let go of unrealistic expectations, as they face heavy cultural pressure about being a good mom. The Pew Research Center finds that most Americans believe women are better at caring for newborns, and 80% think women face significant pressure to be involved parents.
To fairly divide household and child care tasks, make a list, and split responsibilities based on fairness. For example, if one partner works more hours, they should handle fewer tasks at home. This approach helps prevent conflicts and ensures a more balanced workload.
Some mothers might try to control how their partners care for the children, known as “maternal gatekeeping.” To share child care fairly, let your partner handle things their way, as long as the child is safe. If you struggle not to interfere, take some personal time away from the house. More: How to control your anger when someone provokes you?
Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity, notes that having a baby changes your life and sex life significantly. While doctors might clear you for sex six weeks postpartum, it doesn’t mean you’re ready emotionally or physically. It may take up to a year to feel ready for penetrative sex. Mothers often face issues like vaginal dryness, and sexual problems can persist for months. Perel encourages exploring new forms of intimacy and keeping a strong connection with your partner, as it’s crucial for family stability. More: Importance of balancing masculine and feminine energy
