Dating can be exciting, but it’s also important to stay grounded and aware. When we meet new people, we don’t know who they are. Sometimes, their intentions aren’t as pure as they seem. Unfortunately, people can lie or manipulate us, especially if they want something from us. The key is to spot those lies early. But how do we do that? What should we ask ourselves as we get to know someone, and even as the relationship develops?
One common mistake is feeling responsible for making others feel good, often at the expense of our well-being. It’s crucial to remember – we are not responsible for others’ emotions. Shifting this mindset can help us approach dating more carefully. It’s worth noting that not everyone operates with good intentions. Studies suggest that 1% of people are people with narcissistic personality disorder, 3% are people with antisocial personality disorder, and about 10% of all people fall somewhere on that spectrum. Knowing this should encourage us to stay cautious and avoid trusting too quickly. More: 9 hidden beliefs about being attracted to unavailable partners
Ask yourself: Is the person in front of me genuine, or could they fall into one of these categories? Reflect on how fast you feel drawn to someone. If you start liking or trusting them immediately, pause and question why. Often, when someone is too charming or seems to “get you” right away, it may be a tactic to gain your trust quickly. Real, lasting relationships take time to build.
Pay attention to small inconsistencies. Honest people are usually consistent, while those with hidden motives tend to show cracks over time. Take your time, allow the relationship to develop naturally, and don’t let anyone pressure you into moving faster than you’re comfortable with. Time and observation will reveal who someone truly is. More: The number one red flag in a relationship
Ask yourself:
1. We are dating but do their values align with mine?
Shared values lay the foundation for long-term compatibility. Ask yourself:
- Do they believe in the same fundamental things as I do (family, honesty, ambition, etc.)?
- When important topics come up—like finances, family, or personal growth—do their answers make me feel secure or uneasy?
- Can I see us facing life’s challenges together without constant conflict about our core beliefs?
Even if there’s chemistry, misaligned values can cause friction later. Pay attention to what they prioritize and whether it complements your path.
2. How do they treat others?
Someone’s true nature is often revealed by how they treat people they aren’t trying to impress. Notice:
- Are they polite to waiters, kind to strangers, and respectful towards family and friends?
- Do they treat people with consistent kindness, or do they switch behaviors based on who is watching?
How they treat others eventually reflects how they’ll treat you when the excitement of the early relationship fades.
3. Are they open to communication?
Open and honest communication is a cornerstone of healthy relationships. Consider:
- Do they share their thoughts and feelings willingly, or do they avoid deeper conversations?
- When you express something important, do they listen and validate your feelings or dismiss them?
- Can difficult topics be discussed without the conversation escalating or feeling like a battle?
A person’s ability to engage in open dialogue indicates emotional maturity and the capacity for long-term connection.
4. Do they respect my boundaries?
Respect for personal boundaries is crucial for feeling safe and valued. Ask:
- When I say no to something, do they accept it without argument or guilt-tripping?
- Do they respect my time, space, and individuality without constantly pushing limits?
- Are they patient when I need space, or do they react negatively to boundaries I set?
Someone who respects boundaries fosters trust and allows a relationship to grow at a comfortable pace. More: Authenticity vs betrayal of the self
5. How do they handle conflict?
Disagreements are inevitable, but how a person reacts in moments of tension reveals their character. Reflect on:
- When we disagree, do they stay calm and work toward a resolution, or do they shut down or lash out?
- Do they blame me for issues, or do they take responsibility for their part in the conflict?
- Are they willing to compromise, or do they insist on having things their way?
Conflict resolution styles determine how you’ll navigate future challenges as a team. More: Carl Gustav Jung and shadow work: Face your dark side
6. Are they consistent in their actions and words?
Consistency builds trust, while contradictions signal potential manipulation. Think about:
- Do their actions reflect the promises and commitments they make?
- Is their behavior stable over time, or does it shift depending on circumstances?
- Do they follow through on plans and show up when they say they will?
Inconsistent behavior can be an early sign of dishonesty or deeper issues. Pay attention to small details. More: Consistency is a key to success: Learn these truths
7. Do they encourage my growth while we’re dating?
A supportive relationship should elevate you, not hold you back. Ask yourself:
- Do they celebrate my successes and encourage me to pursue goals, or do they seem threatened by my growth?
- Do they respect my dreams and ambitions, even if they’re different from their own?
A healthy relationship consists of two individuals who uplift each other without fear of competition or jealousy. More: Fix your codependency if you want to build healthy relationships
8. How do I feel while dating them?
Your gut feeling can reveal a lot. Tune into:
- Do I feel calm, safe, and like I can be myself around them?
- Do I feel on edge, anxious, or like I have to “perform” to keep their interest?
- When I leave their presence, do I feel drained or uplifted?
Your emotional state around someone often signals whether they bring positive or negative energy into your life.
By asking these questions and reflecting on the answers, you develop a clearer sense of whether the person you are dating aligns with your needs and values. This self-awareness not only protects your heart but also ensures you invest in relationships that nurture and inspire long-term happiness. More: Strength, confidence, and honor: The path of a masculine man
