Assertiveness definition: Assertiveness means standing up for yourself or others calmly and positively, without being too aggressive or just letting things go when they’re not right. It is a skill talked about in social and communication training. Assertive people can express their thoughts without upsetting others or getting upset themselves. Being assertive means standing up for your rights by expressing yourself honestly and directly. It’s important to be assertive while still respecting the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs of others. More: Integrity evaluation: Where do you stand?
Staying silent is like a slow growing cancer to the soul and a trait of a true coward. There is nothing intelligent about not standing up for yourself. You may not win every battle. However, everyone will at least know what you stood for—YOU.
Shannon L. Alder
Assertiveness consists of being open about what you want, sharing your thoughts and feelings, and encouraging others to do the same. Listening to what others have to say and responding appropriately, whether you agree or not, is a valuable skill. Taking on responsibilities and knowing when to delegate tasks to others is essential. Expressing gratitude for what others have done or are doing is a positive habit. It’s also okay to admit when you make a mistake and apologize. Keeping control of your actions is crucial, and treating everyone as equals is a good way to interact with others. More: Charismatic definition and How to build charisma
About passiveness and aggression
Responding passively means going along with what others want, often at the expense of your rights and confidence. People who tend to be passive might do so because they want others to like them. They don’t see themselves as equals and prioritize the rights, wishes, and feelings of others over their own. This can lead to a lack of communication about their thoughts and feelings. That can result in doing things they don’t want to do just to please others. Being passive also means letting others take charge, make decisions, and be responsible for things. But what passive behavior says the most about the person is that this person comes from a place of fear instead of cooperation or love. More: Top 5 communication coach tips for effective communication
On the other hand, being aggressive towards someone undermines their rights and self-esteem. Aggressive behavior doesn’t take into consideration the views or feelings of others. People who act aggressively often fail to show praise or appreciation and tend to put others down. This kind of response can push others to react in a non-assertive way. Either by becoming aggressive themselves or by becoming passive. Aggressive behaviors can take various forms. Some of those are rushing someone unnecessarily, telling instead of asking, ignoring someone, or disregarding another person’s feelings.
But what aggressive behavior says the most about the person is that this person comes from a place of “I” instead of “we”.
cGood interpersonal skills involve understanding different ways of communicating and recognizing the potential outcomes of each approach. Both passive and aggressive behaviors in interpersonal relationships can have negative consequences, hindering positive progress. Experiencing aggressive communication can be distressing and confusing for the recipient, who may wonder what triggered such behavior. Being passive may be perceived as uninterested and boring. More: 7 tips for communicating effectively in the workplace
Assertiveness definition and distinguishing it from passiveness and aggression
In contrast to passive and aggressive behaviors, assertiveness definition involves expressing thoughts and feelings clearly and respectfully. It’s a balanced approach that considers both your rights and the rights of others. Assertive individuals communicate effectively, stand up for themselves, and respect the perspectives of others without being overly submissive or dominating. It creates a healthier and more productive interpersonal dynamic compared to passive or aggressive interactions.
Assertive communication is straightforward and polite. When you’re assertive, you have a better chance of making sure your message is understood. If you talk in a way that’s either too shy or too forceful, people might miss what you’re saying because they’re focused on how you’re saying it. More: Religious wisdom and spiritual interpretations of mindfulness
How can you benefit from learning to be more assertive?
Being assertive is usually seen as a better way to communicate. It has lots of benefits. It stops people from taking advantage of you, and it prevents you from being mean to others.
Acting assertively can help you:
- Feel more confident and good about yourself
- Feel powerful and in control
- Understand and know your feelings
- Get respect from others
- Communicate better
- Make situations where everyone wins
- Make better decisions
- Build honest relationships
- Enjoy work more
Learning to be more assertive can also help you talk about your feelings when dealing with others and their problems. Remember, it takes time and practice to become assertive, especially if you’ve been quiet for a long time. If you tend to be too angry and aggressive, you might need to learn how to manage your anger.
If you’re trying hard but not getting more assertive, you might want to try formal assertiveness training. When issues like anger, stress, anxiety, or fear are making it tough, talking to a mental health professional could help. The payoff is worth it. By being more assertive, you can express your true feelings and needs more easily. You might even find you get more of what you want.
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